Notes of an Overthinker

Semester ended on 16 th December. It was one insane semester. I couldn’t even have had a firm grip over the happenings of my life in college and the time passed. But then, it always does. You can never control life. The control that you feel over your shit is just apparent; there is no real control over anything. Things happen as they ought to be. The choice you seem to have does not makes any sense; you would make the same choice, over and over again, knowing all the consequences and the manner it will shape the future. You’d choose the same thing because that’s who you are. Choices cannot change you. People are leaving, one by one, group by group. The crowd at the hostel is getting thinner with each passing moment. We’re just a fistful of people left. Soon, they’d be gone too and it will be only me left here with a friend of mine. A lot of people were in too much of a hurry to go home. I saw them leaving after just one hour of the last exam. Home is a good place to be at. I to...

The success of a life, superficially, is measured in the materialistic assets that could be accumulated over a time. However, this monetary success and stability and acquisition of assets that count come at a later time in life; almost when we have live lived half of our time here. Also, these things do not really matter and are not really essential for someone to be called successful in their life. But until we reach the point where we can call ourselves to be leading a successful life, in terms that seem proper to us, how do we know that we are on the right track to success? How can we know what needs to be done in order to be successful? What is the measure of success of our lives that we have lived until now? How do we know that at this point of our life, are we successful or have we just wasted the years? I would like to measure the success in terms of the people we inspire. Note that this must not be confused with making someone live their life in your way. The inspiration I...

I read somewhere that, ‘there are a few things in life so beautiful that they hurt’. Tonight is the one among them. The dampness of the rain, the drops of water on the grass petals, the blood-moon hiding behind the clouds and the stillness of the night. All mixed in the perfect composition to make this night beautiful and one that not just stirs your soul but shakes it violently. Violent enough to make you realize that a part of you was missing out deep within yourself and suddenly it has made its presence felt, and that’s all the reason why you feel at unease with yourself. The college fest is just around the corner. All the people committed to making it a hit are still awake and keeping this place alive even at this dead hour. Busy souls, they are. I feel like I need to run away from all this hustle and bustle; it all looks Kafkaesque. Run away to somewhere in the middle of nowhere, where I can once again unify with my lost self. I want to run away all at once, without ...

How can we be so unsure of ourselves that just one little incident or a talk with someone could completely change our perception of the person in concern? Do we really not know ourselves, or are we just too afraid to make the call and stand by our decision? Are we really stuck between not being able to decide what is good and what is bad for us or do we just want someone else to play the dice for us so that we will have that someone to blame when the tables turn? Since when did we become such cowards who do not have the slightest trace of faith left in our own hearts? Why have we stopped trusting our decisions? When we meet someone, and we like them it is not just because of the physical appearances or the well-mannered composure or their calm demeanour or because of any of such other aspects. I believe, it is because they somehow appeal to your sub-conscious and you for once feel connected to them. A sub-conscious mind is a strong place that knows us better t...

18 अगस्त, 2016.  गुलज़ार आज 82 साल के हो गए. 1963 में आई फिल्म ‘बंदिनी’ में उन्होंने अपना पहला गीत, ‘मोरा गोरा अंग लई ले...’ लिखा था और आज पांच दशक के बाद भी गुलज़ार लिखते जा रहे हैं - बिना रुके, बिना थके. इन पांच दशकों में संगीत बदला, उसका ढंग बदला, दुनिया के चलन और तौर-तरीके बदले, दौर बदला और युग भी बदल गया, लेकिन गुलज़ार वही रहे – सबके पसंदीदा. वो कभी ‘आउट-डेटेड’ नहीं हुए. और ये सब सिर्फ इसलिए मुमकिन हो पाया क्यूंकि उनकी सोच हमेशा जवान रही, और आज भी है. गुलज़ार एक ‘मल्टी-टैलेंटेड पर्सनालिटी’ हैं लेकिन उनकी अधिकतम लोकप्रियता एक गीतकार के तौर पे ही है. मैं ये कहना गलत नहीं समझूंगा की साहिर और आनंद बख्शी के बाद वो इस दौर के महानतम गीतकार हैं. और मैं ये दलील इसलिए रख रहा हूँ क्यूंकि उन्होंने अपने गीतों में न सिर्फ ज़माने की रिवायतों को ताक पे रखा है बल्कि बार-बार उन्हें तोड़ा भी है. उदाहरण के तौर पे चाहे 'इजाज़त' का 'मेरा कुछ सामन...' को ले लीजिये जिसमें बात की गहरायी के लिए लय का कोई ध्यान नहीं रखा या फिर ''आंधी' का 'इस मोड़ से जाते हैं...' जो गीत कम...

We all are influenced by something or someone, every now a then, at almost every corner of life. These influences mold our character and also shape our appearances. Influences play the main role in our presentation of ourselves to the world. But to what limit can we let ourselves be influenced? I mean, we hear some intriguing story of someone’s success or the praises from the family for some distant cousin who has done very well for himself in life. Things like this influence us – knowingly or subconsciously – but they do. And when this happens, instead of getting inspired, we get envious of such people. Once the envy has taken birth, influences like these start to overshadow your personality. You start to think of yourself as useless and try to borrow their habits and steal their tastes and hobbies. You want to transform yourself into them. This is the point where their influence on you turns into your obsession of becoming them. When someone influences you, take it for you...

Guilt is the scariest of all feelings. It may even be scarier than death itself because it has the guts to make you wish for your death. It puts you to shame every single time you come across the person whom you have done wrong and makes you feel heinous about yourself, and all that you want to do at that moment is to make a quick escape to some another dimension. However, guilt only comes when you are ashamed of yourself and when you feel sorry at heart for the person who is hurt. Shamelessness does not bring guilt; in fact, it repels it. It is very hard to make all this understand to someone who is hurt because he is hurt; and that is one enough reason for that person to not listen to any explanation that you might have to offer. But above all, what actually matters is how you feel about yourself after committing some wrongdoing. Everyone and especially the one whom you have hurt will tell you how cheap and shitty you are; and once guilt starts eating up your soul, you will...

“I am bad and that’s good, I will never be good and that’s bad, but if that little kid likes me, how bad can I be?” -Quote from ‘Wreck It Ralph’ Are you a good person? How good are you? What defines your goodness? What are its parameters or what is the scale that measures the goodness of someone? Have you ever thought about these questions? I know you haven’t but I did. I have observed that the goodness of a person is always relative. It always needs a reference. There is no set scale for measuring someone’s goodness. Most of the times it depends upon the behaviour and the attitude of the person in question, towards the observant; and in other cases, it is in comparison to someone else. All this happens because we form a perception of someone based upon their outer habits, in our minds and then we are stubborn enough to resolutely refuse to come out of it. We ‘presume’, and that is where the whole problem starts. Our presumptions do not let us to think clearly and l...

God! What is it? 'What', not 'Who', for I don't consider him to be present as a 'body' or any celestial 'being'. God is by far the greatest invention of man. God never created man but it was man who created God, and that too out of fear. Oh! What an irony! The one who was meant to give us power to conquer our fears was itself born out of the manly fears. When the man started thinking and the civilisation began taking place, the wise men of those times knew that the world would be in chaos if man figured it out that he is the ultimate being on the face of the earth. So, they created a God out of everything that harmed humans - fire, rain, lightening, and so on, and told people that the extreme natural phenomena were the wrath of the God and this is how the creator got created. People today, may argue that though God may not be a celestial being but it is a form of energy that gives us the power to conquer all the challenges, make righteous ...

इस देश के भटके हुए भटकते युवा में एक नया युवा जन्म ले रहा है, या शायद वो हमेशा से मौजूद था लेकन दिखना अभी शुरू हुआ है| ये इंटेलेक्चुअल युवा है| ये वो युवा है जो रवीश से इत्तेफाक रखता है और पियूष मिश्रा के गाये हुए गाने सुनना पसंद करता है| इसके बुकमार्क्स में 'क़स्बा' का लिंक मिलता है और ये मंटो और धर्मवीर भारती को पढता है, और हिंदी पढने, लिखने और बोलने में इसको कोई शर्म महसूस नहीं होती| ये युवा गुलज़ार को उनके गीतों से ज्यादा उनकी नज्मों के लिए पसंद करता है और जानता है की उनके हर एक गीत में कोई न कोई नज़्म छुपी हुई है| इस युवा का ग़ालिब और मीर से भी गहरा ताल्लुक है और इसको कविता और शायरी पढने और लिखने, दोनों का ही अच्छा ख़ासा शौक है| इसके फ़ोन में बॉलीवुड के पंजाबी रैप सॉंग्स की जगह बेगम अख्तर और गुलाम अली की गज़लें मिलती हैं| ये युवा फेसबुक पे जाके फ़ालतू पोस्ट पे लाइक और कमेंट करने के बजाये गहरे मुद्दों पे गंभीर चर्चा करता है| लेकिन इस युवा का सोशल एक्सपटेंस बहुत कम है क्यूंकि अधिकांश युवा इसके जैसा नहीं है और उसको इसकी सारी बातें बेतुकी लगती हैं| इसीलिए इस युवा के बारे ...